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I can t resist that smell for one more second. How would you
like a big, juicy hamburger?
I m not sure about eating beef, said Peg. I don t want to
turn into a mad cow.
The cows in Vermont aren t mad, said Albert. They have
been known to get irritated. Annoyed. We have some very
vexed cattle. Some might be seriously pissed off. But not mad.
Never that.
Okay, she agreed. I ll take one seriously pissed off
burger. With ketchup.
He left, and Peg headed toward Linus, across the porch,
near the keg, at the center of a circle of people. Of course he
was the focus of attention. Except for the rabid Deaniac, who
was getting worked up about the new property tax laws,
Linus was the most animated in the crowd. Peg wanted to get
him to herself. She needed to thank him for all he d done.
And to acknowledge what she d said yesterday, the love con-
fession. As awkward as it might be, they had to talk about it.
Linus knew it, too. He saw her coming, and smiled.
Peg said to the group, Can I steal Linus for one second?
They were only too happy to release him to her clutches.
The Girlfriend Curse 243
As Peg took Linus s arm, she could have sworn she heard the
poetry professor whisper to the toy-maker, Bachlorette num-
ber twenty? Peg remembered what Albert had said the resi-
dents of Manshire being keen to marry off their
highest-ranking bachelor. Peg could make herself very popu-
lar indeed in town by being Linus s Ultimate Girlfriend. She d
gain a place in town history. Only problem, besides yet an-
other trip to the Dump: Peg wouldn t be able to enforce her
no-contact policy after the breakup. It would be impossible to
avoid Linus in Manshire. Linus was Manshire.
He and Peg walked down the deck steps and toward the
pond. I can t thank you enough, she started. The house.
The party. Spanking Chuck Plenet for me. I have no idea what
you said to him, but he acted like you were going to extermi-
nate him.
Linus said, I gave him the Hollywood treatment. Told him
he d never work in this town again.
You threatened him? she asked coyly. For me?
Linus said, For you and anyone else who might hire him.
It s very exciting, she said, to watch you wield your power.
Peg, you re flirting again, he said.
Old habits. I m trying to thank you for your many acts of
friendship. I hope we will continue to be friends, even after In-
ward Bound ends. Because, in all honesty, getting friendly
with you has been the best part of the program for me.
He looked down at her, smiling, eyes sparkling. With any
other man, she would think a gaze of such tenderness was a sure
bet. That no man would look at her like that unless he wanted
her, bad. But with Linus, Peg wasn t sure about anything
She said, You know when I said I was falling in love with
you? He nodded slowly. That was the electricity talking.
It was the electricity talking, agreed Linus.
The electricity from the wire, she said.
What other electricity could I be referring to?
244 Valerie Frankel
Peg sighed. How many other Inward Bound women have
you confused mercilessly in this way?
He laughed. In what way?
You know exactly what I m talking about, said Peg. And
I don t like it. It s unsettling. I prefer to know what s going to
happen next. And yes, I realize that, right now, as I speak, I m
having a huge breakthrough about my broken-record rela-
tionship history. Okay? Are you happy now? Is that what
your sexy looks and irresistible comments have been leading
to? So now I know. I fear the unknown so deeply that I d
rather repeat the same heartbreaking pattern than face some-
thing or someone I can t predict. That s why falling in love
with you is so scary.
You re not falling in love with me.
I m not?
Linus paused. You asked if I ve ever confused other
women at Inward Bound, he said. I guess I have. You re not
the first client who s said she had feelings for me. I understand
why it happens: I listen, I m honest. Apparently, I smile a lot.
How many? she asked.
I ve done four sessions of Inward Bound. And, so far, four
clients told me they loved me.
Four?
Three women including you and one man.
And you don t believe these declarations.
The program can be intense and emotional. I seem like a
good alternative to their ex-boyfriends. But the love isn t
real. The ski instructor from Killington who told Gloria about
the program? Claudia? She thought she loved me, too. Two
weeks after the program ended, she met the man she even-
tually married. If she really loved me, that wouldn t have
been possible.
Did you love her? asked Peg.
No, he said.
Did you love either of the other women?
The Girlfriend Curse 245
No.
How do you know?
I wasn t attracted to them.
But you re attracted to me, said Peg.
Linus didn t respond.
She said, Did you have erotic dreams about any of the
others?
Linus s jaw dropped. He said, How did you . . . ?
Aha! she said.
He said, Look, I don t have illusions about Inward Bound.
I know some people come for an inexpensive month in Ver-
mont, to live in a big house on the river. They merely tolerate
the meditation and mountain-climbing. But even if people
sign up for the wrong reasons, I want them to get something
positive out of the experience. That s what I get out of it. If I
were to get involved with a client no matter how much I
might be enjoying the idea of it I d lose all credibility. It
would be ethically despicable.
Peg said, What about when the program ends in a week?
Would it ruin your credibility if you got involved with a
graduate?
Wilma! said Linus loudly.
I know Wilma was a graduate student when you met. I
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