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I didn t mean to wake you, Jack said quietly.
Chapter 22
I couldn t breathe. My body was delighted, but it was always thrilled whenever Jack was in
my proximity, no
matter what else was happening. By the expression on his face, this was not a happy reunion.
He was pensive
and his lips were pressed tightly together. The more alert I became, the more his emotions
washed over me,
and they were nothing pleasant either. Mostly, he felt nervous and hurt, and I didn t blame
him. After
apologizing for waking me, Jack just stood there, arms crossed over his chest and stared at
me. I sat up farther
in bed and tried to think of something to say, but my mouth refused to work. The past few
days I had only
been thinking about what I would say to him if he came back, and here he was, and I was
speechless.
I have to admit, I was a little surprised I didn t find you in Peter s room, Jack said finally.
His words
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were cutting, and all the more so because they were from him. He never said things to hurt
people, but he
wanted to hurt me now. I deserved it, so I couldn t even muster any ounce of anger. I just
wanted to cry and
beg forgiveness.
I was never with him. My mouth worked numbly, and my heart hammered in my chest.
What
happened was a stupid mistake. It didn t mean anything.
What exactly did happen? Jack s normally soft blue eyes were like ice, and they pierced
straight
through me. He had never looked at me like that, but he had never been so angry with me
before.
I don t know. All the rehearsed speeches I had explaining the kiss completely vanished. I
had
nothing except a blank expression.
You don t know what happened? Jack gritted his teeth and took a deep breath. How do
you not
know what exactly happened when you kissed Peter? Kissing really isn t that hard! I know
you know how to
do it, and you re really actually good at it! If you re stuck, I can help you out. I m sure it
started with you
putting your lips on his-
No, I know what happened! I held up my hand. Rubbing my forehead, I exhaled shakily.
I just
don t really know why it happened.
Well, maybe if you start telling what exactly happened, I can help with the why, Jack
suggested
coldly.
We kissed! I shouted, feeling exasperated already. Getting frustrated with him probably
wasn t
helping the situation, but I couldn t help it. I just wanted to get to the part where I sobbed
and apologized,
and eventually, he forgave me.
Who kissed whom?
I-I don t know, I stammered and looked down. I pulled my knees up my chest, and I really
just
wanted to bury my head in my hands.
Really? You have no idea? Just one minute you re standing there and then next you re
making out
with him? That seems pretty spontaneous, Jack said sarcastically.
Nobody was making out. I couldn t even look at him. This was much harder than I
thought it
would be.
So& who kissed whom? Jack repeated, and when I still didn t answer, he got louder.
Alice?
I think& I-I might ve, I mumbled and swallowed hard. I could ve lied but I knew he d see
it on me,
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and that would just make things worse. I rested my hand on my forehead and leaned on my
knees. He had to
take a few moments to process what I d told him, and his hurt was even rawer now. I felt
bad enough without
having to feel everything that he felt, but I knew I deserved, so I bit my lip and took it.
Are you in love with him? His voice was so low I could barely hear it.
God, no! I shouted fiercely and looked at him. No! I love you, Jack! And that s all! A
wayward
tear slid down my cheek. I wanted to crawl over to him and kiss him, but I knew he d push
me away. I just
didn t know how else to convey how much I loved him.
So why would you kiss him? After everything we ve been through! Jack was almost
pleading with
me now, and it was making me cry.
I don t know! Honestly, Jack! I wish I did! I wiped at my cheeks. I was really thirsty, and I
was
trying to hold off on eating so I could get more self-control. And I just went into his room
to talk, to distract
myself, and then& I don t know. We were talking, and then I just& I just kissed him. It was
only for a
second, and then I stopped it and I said that I couldn t do it. And I am so sorry, Jack! I am
so sorry! If I could
take it back I would! I never wanted to do anything to hurt you!
I ve just been thinking about it over and over in my head. He rubbed his temples and
looked at the
ground. His eyes were moist, but he wasn t crying. I kept thinking, if you kissed him, could
I forgive you?
And if you slept with him, could I forgive you?
I never slept with him! I insisted and sat up on my knees.
No, I m just telling you what I was thinking. He shook his head. And you know what I
realized?
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